my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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