PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
