That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
