sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
