I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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