the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
