I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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