He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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