Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
