She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
