So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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