there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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