true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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