Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
