I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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