I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
