i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just had sex bonerless
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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