I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
