I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
