And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
