I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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