HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
