Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
