While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
