I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
