were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
