He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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