I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
