Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
