Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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