marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And then he peed in my hair
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
