I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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