i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize