I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
