I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
