Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
