I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
