So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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