then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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