Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
