Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My breasts were aching with rage.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
