I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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