We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
