Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
