I wanna passion pit in your ass
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
