The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
