shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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