so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
