Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
