I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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