I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
