do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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