i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
