I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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