she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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