you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
