I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
