I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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