Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
