just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
