Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
