I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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