Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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