I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
