officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So vagazzling was a success
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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