Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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