he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We left the knife in your bed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
