woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
