tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
