Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
