she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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