So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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