She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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