How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
