not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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