I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
