we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
