made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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