I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
