can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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